Fairy Tales? What is Wrong With you People?
by LadyPorpoise
Summary: A grandpa and granddaughter open up a book of fairytales in the 500s...Well, Legolas would say that was an unreliable source if he ever saw what was written in that book. Especially what his feelings and actions were when he was kidnapped by men for the umpteenth time. Just how much had to be censored for that tale to be read to kids?


_Sometime in the early 500s…_

"Papa, papa!"

"Slow down, Edna," The old man chuckled as he held the little girl.

"Papa, tell me more about the forest and the faerie?" Edna pleaded with wide eyes.

Papa raised a brow, "Another one? Well, go and get the book."

The five-year-old ran to the shelf, retrieving the book of myths and fantasies and she jumped into her grandpa's lap, shoving it into his hands.

Grandpa opened the book. "Which one do you want to hear?"

Edna let out a long "uhm" and she turned many pages. She reached a section with a very intricate picture: two moth-faeries with faint green auras stood at one tree left and right of the page. The trees made an arch at the top and at the center had a pale skinned elf with bird wings.

"Tales of the Moth-Princes and the Wood-Crow" read at the top in calligraphic writing.

"Can you read me one I haven't heard before?"

Grandpa turned a few more pages, briefly skimming for the pictures he had seen before and sentences read many times over. The girl's hand stopped him midway. The picture that now sat on the page showed the scene of the younger faerie in a crowd of many. The people looked fearful and suspicious while the faerie stood bravely against them with concern on his face.

Grandpa blinked slowly. "This one?"

"Yes." Edna chirped. "Cuyler looks like he will teach the bad men valuable lessons."

Grandpa frowned. "I am not sure this is what you should hear before bed."

"Please? I'm big girl now." Edna pleaded with big eyes.

The old man stroked his beard thoughtfully and sighed. This book was kid friendly, so it must not be _too_ scary. He read it before, and now that he remembered…it would be acceptable.

"Very well." Grandpa admitted. Edna got herself comfortable and the old man started to read. "The Crow and Cuyler left the Mirk Wood for the open air of the fields. They were to bring gifts to the fae of the mountains. But greedy men came upon them, seeking to take away their treasures for themselves. The Crow took shelter in the trees, but Cuyler could not fly up to join him…"

"What happened?"

"Cuyler's wing was hurt."

* * *

 _At the time of the action in the Third Age…_

"They are not REAL wings!" Legolas yelled as he dug his fingers and toes into the branchless tree as his life depended on it. The men below spoke in fast succession in confusion as his cloak had been ripped from him. Why was it every time he came across men they always treated his cloaks so delicately, like it was a part of him? Well, given their stupid ideas, that was the reason why.

Legolas still felt incredibly annoyed, especially since Galadhion had effortlessly climbed up to the top and sat at the very tip of the tree, watching and not helping his brother. The removal of his cloak made the youngest prince of Greenwood lose his grip momentarily: the only hold he had was digging the nails of his gauntlets and sharp toes of his boots into the burnt tree. Who knew when the men could get their opportunity to bring him down.

"Help me, brother." Legolas ground out and turned his eyes upward.

Galadhion's brows furrowed and he shook his head, "No room." He said guiltily.

"I will climb higher," Legolas made a small leap to avoid having his ankle be caught in a human's grasp. "Then jump to the next tree. We shall try to make our escape that way!"

* * *

"The Crow could not help Cuyler, even though he desperately wanted to, for he had no desire to be in the hands of evil men again."

"The Crow is not always nice to the brothers." Edna thought out loud.

"The Crow is their brother too, munchkin, but they want to keep him safe from harm after what the bad men did to him. The Crow regarded Cuyler forlornly before he flew away…"

* * *

Galadhion looked to the next tree over then back to Legolas. Their hunters pressed themselves against the base of the tree and Legolas jumped upward. When the younger elf made the leap, Galadhion made his own leap.

The dead tree creaked and broke…and began to fall to one side. Legolas made a desperate jump, but the angle was poor and he unfortunately was grabbed by one of the woodsmen.

He fell to the ground and became dogpiled.

* * *

"The men pulled Cuyler to the ground and held him still. They placed iron rings on him to subdue his powers. He did not struggle against them, knowing that there was more he could do to help these poor confused hillmen. He followed them quietly."

* * *

'Why do these people keep doing this to me? I do not think I want to help them if they are always trying to kill me!'

Legolas had the face of complete displeasure as he wriggled beneath the pile, as if that could help him get free. They placed iron shackles on his wrists and ropes around his arms for good measure. Leaving two men to keep him down, most stood up from the ground. Legolas felt more annoyed and bored than angry. He had dealt with this kind of…Oh, the leader must be approaching.

These men spoke in a dialect he could not understand, so instead of listening Legolas put on a face of disinterest with a hint of balefulness. He had better things to do with his time than to be another object of fear for these people. Why did they even want to catch him if he was that fearsome? He felt he should lead them to Dale and have them learn some manners towards elves at some point. Or to get a mental assessment.

Legolas sniffed a bit too hard and discerned the medicinal herbs being held under his nose. He struggled a little bit harder, but the effect had already made its imprint on his mind.

At least Galadhion was safe, even though Legolas would appreciate his company right about now.

Legolas with googly eyes barely managed to meet eye contact with the raider. With a slur in his voice, he uttered a few words, "I am going to kick your hind-end so hard for this..."

* * *

 _A/N This is probably a mistake for me to put up ANOTHER story when I already have four in progress (one I haven't even gotten chapter two up for...). But, seems there has to be some sort of "Legolas gets kidnapped" thing going on. So I decided to try a parody with a strange twist: parallel narrating. This is a bit challenging, and all the lines are probably annoying...but bear with me. Or suggestions?_

 _This story will not be my main priority, I don't think I really want to continue...but then...you know, if there's a big audience wanting it to continue...yeah. In the meantime, I hope this can satisfy you. :)_

 _Cuyler is old norse for archer._


End file.
